The Roller Rink

Sometime in the 60’s a roller-rink was built in the suburbs of Minnesota. The men, and I stress the word men, who built it decided that in the restrooms it would be a good idea to put “clip closers” in the toilet stalls to secure the doors instead of slide bolts. The result, which I am sure they believed patrons would find convenient, was that the door was secured by clicking it in the middle so that if a person pushed on the stall door or pulled on it the door would open.
Years later I was a patron at that roller rink…

I was the tender age of 14 and just learning to roller-skate. I came that night with my friends Kay and Steve who were dating each other. In that era elephant leg pants were all the rage and I came outfitted with large ones the flare of one covering my entire foot. They were fun to wear while skating as the breeze from skating would blow them behind me – much like flags.

I was in my element that night; I was skating well and had perfected the cross-over around the corners. I was having fun! Then an after an hour or so I had the need to use the toilet and roller skated my way into the ladies room.

The ladies room was set up as all tiled ladies rooms typically are; sinks and mirrors to the one side and toilet stalls at the end. I roller skated my way into an empty stall and, noting the odd stall doors as I clicked it shut, sat down.

Toilet stalls in Roller Rinks do not take into account the fact that someone is wearing skates. That is, they are the same height as a normal toilet despite the fact that your legs are 3 inches taller…and on wheels. I eased myself down into essentially a squatting position since my knees were in my face and settled in to do my business.

Business accomplished, I realized that a squatting position on roller-skates is a very awkward position from which to rise…I searched for a way to safely stand and decided my best option was to hold on to the top of the door. I grabbed the door and proceeded to haul myself up. In the process of performing this motion my feet lost their footing and shot forward sending my body crashing into the door which in turn blasted open (with me still holding on for dear life) into the common area of the bathroom – the wheels on the skates rocking me back and forth as I came shooting out the door to a hanging stop.

Time moves slowly in these circumstances. My first thought as I shot out the door was, “Who is going to see me?”, and as I came out I looked over to the sinks where a line of women were preening themselves in the mirror. Distracted by the commotion their heads began to turn in my direction – in my memory this will always be in slow-motion with the sound effect of “Whhhaaaaaa”.

Deciding that dropping my grip and falling to the floor would be a bad idea and desperately wanting to get back into the stall in order to pull my pants up, I began to work my legs against the tile floor to try and get back. It is hard to gain purchase with wheels attached to ones feet but after furiously scrittering my feet on the tiles I was able to safely ensconce myself back in the stall where I huddled for a few minutes in shock.

I waited until the women who were in the restroom had departed. Then I gathering my tattered dignity around me and headed back to the rink.

I have observed in the years since this incident, that builders have abandoned the concept of “clip closers” toilet stalls.